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Online Dating Tip O' The Morning
Drinking and dancing = fun. Who knew?
Coffee dates are the online dating standard. Go to your local Starbucks and you'll see. At any given time, you can pick out the people who have never met before, if not by sight, then certainly, by eavesdropping. The thing about coffee dates is that while you may be the best conversationalist in the world, you still can’t escape your environment. Something about plastic chairs on concrete just screams out "Boring!" So if it's hard to overcome the elements inherent in ye olde coffee date, then why do so many people go on them? I think it's because most of us assume that most dates are going to fail and if the date is going to fail, why waste your time? This kind of defeatist attitude doesn't get anybody anywhere, yet Starbucks still rakes in the cash.
Not anymore.
If you want to have great dates, you have to engineer the circumstances to set yourself up on a great date. So what are the elements of a great date?
Here's four, just off the top of my head:
| 1) |
Good Company – The only way you can know if the company’s good is by getting to know someone before the date. This is an advantage of online dating – the ability to take your time and only meet those whose conversation you actually enjoy. If you don’t feel it on the phone, somehow, I don’t think you’ll feel it in person. If you're one of those "I'm bad on the phone" people? Get over it. You're the same person on the phone as you are in person. And if you're one of those, "I don’t like talking on the phone, I just want to email once" people, you have nobody to blame but yourself when you find yourself on your fiftieth awkward coffee date this year. |
| 2) |
Non-static – Gotta keep things interesting, which means no sit-down meals or movies. Dinner and movies are fine when you're with friends because you already have a history, but two strangers starting from scratch is often weird and claustrophobic. Why make things trickier by sitting face to face at a dinner table? Or by staring silently at a movie or concert for two hours when the purpose of your date is to get to know one another? Put yourselves in motion, distract yourselves with activity. Your time together will be both effortless and fun. |
| 3) |
Comfort – If you're going to the coffee shop with your defenses up because you feel that your date may be psycho, you shouldn’t be on the date at all. Your job is to find out if your date is psycho before you meet. Of course, email and phone calls are not foolproof. But assuming your date is likeable and kind on the phone, by the time you get together, you can build up a certain trust, which makes the date more like a date and less like an interview. When you can relax and be yourself on a date, you'll be surprised how well things can go. |
| 4) |
Attraction – Sending (and receiving) a few extra pictures via email can be helpful to overcome your mistrust of the liars out there. But while you can’t control chemistry, you can make your pulse race a little quicker. While it's not for everybody, a couple of cocktails in dark bars not only lower your inhibitions, but accelerate things in a way that coffee never could. I'm not saying you should get trashed or be irresponsible. But your odds of kissing at the end of the night increase 100-fold when you're ingesting a vodka, as opposed to a latte. I'm just saying... |
Personally, I'd rather go on one fun karaoke date with an average-looking woman I trusted on the phone than four mind-deadening coffee interviews with some boring hot chicks who sent me a wink. But that's just me.
However you plan on doing it – if you want to enjoy dating more, try to put yourself on better dates.
For more advice from Evan, please visit www.evanmarckatz.com.
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