It’s great when someone shows interest in you, isn’t it? Except when it’s not. A Premium client of mine is getting a ton of attention on Match right now and while she’s flattered, she’s finding the whole thing a bit trying. Here’s what she wrote to me last week (letter printed with permission):

I often get multiple email and phone calls per day in the early phase of the dating process. I find it annoying. Unfortunately, I’m swamped with work and don’t have time to exchange multiple emails during business hours. Do you think I should be clear about this right up front? Do you think that would be a turn off as they would see me as “unavailable”? I don’t mind chatting or sharing email in the evening or the weekends. However, I find excessive emailing and phone calls to be a sign of a needy guy. 

Interesting dilemma, eh? So how does a woman show her interest without seeming standoffish? And how do you deal with a guy who seems a little too excited about you?

The best tip I have for women is to always make themselves available without ever giving chase. That means that if he calls you, call him back – in your own time. If he emails you, email him back – in your own time. We both know that if you’re really excited about him, it will be sooner rather than later. But there’s no need to interrupt your workday to keep up airs.
 
Being busy, for the most part, is good. It creates an air of mystery and projects confidence because you have things going on besides him. On the other hand, saying “don’t call me between 8 and 8” can be a blunt turn off. Try reframing it by saying, “Because work is so busy, I tend to be unavailable to chat during the day. Why don’t you try reaching me on my cell phone between 9-10pm? I should be around and would love to catch up with you then.” With a couple of honest, but considerate lines, you’ve kept your focus at work, made him feel valued, and expressed a specific time for you to talk.

This is a point worth repeating:
Once you give out your phone number, let the guys know a good time that they CAN reach you. Otherwise they’ll try you whenever they have a spare second. This, by the way, does NOT mean that they’re needy. Not necessarily. All that a daytime phone call means is that he’s available and showing interest. Remember, this is what you should want out of a guy. If they were to be as “unavailable” as you are, no one would ever get to talk on the phone or go out!
 
I’m not defending clingy guys, but keep in mind that the flip side of needy is vulnerable. If you were excited about a guy and told him, wouldn’t it suck if he held it against you? I understand why a guy who tries too hard seems lame, but insisting on guys who play it too cool leaves you mostly with a bunch of men who “aren’t that into you”. Find a delicate way to tell him to lay off the pressure and let you decide the pace of things. Then you can see where it all goes.