|
 |
Online Dating Tip O' The Morning
Death to "The Rules" – if a person plays games in a forest and no one plays games back, did any games actually take place?
"The Rules" might be the worst thing that ever happened to women. Suffice it to say that playing games to manipulate your way into a relationship isn’t exactly the ideal formula for love. And to be clear, the same goes for any of the guys who read "The Game". The real game is to avoid the game.
I wrote about this extensively in a chapter of "Why You're Still Single: Things Your Friends Would Tell You If You Promised Not to Get Mad" called, shockingly, "Don't Play Games". But to sum it up neatly, playing games only attracts two kinds of people: 1) other people who are willing to play games, and 2) people with no self-esteem.
The problem with games is that they work. Yes, games actually can be effective in keeping a potential partner off-balance and keeping your value up. And that's why pretty much every seduction guide ever written talks about how to play such games. What they don't talk about is the downside of them, that they're based more in posturing than connecting. What they neglect to do is tell you an alternative to playing games, and trust me, this technique is infinitely more powerful: being confident enough not to play games.
Think about it. A man who is confident doesn't need to wait three days to call after a date. He'll call you the next day to tell you how much fun he had and how he can't wait to see you again. If you like him, you'll be thrilled that he called so quickly. If you don't like him, you'll complain to your friends that he’s a needy borderline stalker. But the call itself doesn't affect your opinion of him. It just reinforces what you already felt.
This kind of stuff happens all the time. A guy calls a woman he's dating to tell her he's going to go out of town, then he calls her while he's out of town just to check in. Her feelings for him start to cool because he's trying too hard. His reaction, naturally, is that he has to play it cooler with women in the future. Another guy tells me that he's read all the books about how to pick up women and he has it down to a science, except for the fact that he’s in his 50's and single. I inform him that while he may be "getting" women, he’s not getting the right women, because the right women don't put up with men's games.
I just got off the phone with a woman who, when I told her I was writing this article, remarked, "I've never met another guy who plays fewer games than you. It's really refreshing. It means that I don't have to play any games either. "See, just by being yourself and leading by example, you can set the tone of an entire relationship.
That doesn't mean that if you're needy and clingy and call multiple times a day and want to have relationship discussions in the first three dates that you're not gonna scare someone away. Being authentic does not mean being desperate. However, if you think that you like someone and that someone likes you, you may be better served by showing it instead of burying it. After all, a relationship without honesty is not really a relationship at all.
Want to know how to live this advice instead of just reading it and forgetting it?
Call me now at 866-432-9726 for some one-on-one dating coaching that will change your life.
To read about my private coaching packages, please go to www.evanmarckatz.com.
To read previous Online Dating Tips O’ the Month, please check out our Archive. |
|
